I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
did i just pee glitter
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
