im six kinds of drunk right now
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
