so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
