It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dear god my vagina.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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