You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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