It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
