I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
