You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
