If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
