I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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