ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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