someone get that fucking seahorse.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
