Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
