i wish my penis had a tongue
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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