Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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