I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
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it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
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One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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