i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
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I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
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You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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