Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
