She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
