Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
