I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
