I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
