spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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