just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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