WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i love accidental penises.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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