So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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