I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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