I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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