why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
