actually, I'm a sock model
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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