My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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