He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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