I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
there is glitter all over my balls
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
