Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
