if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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