new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
