dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
