You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
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But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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