SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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