WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
