i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize