saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
