it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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