I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
