She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
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The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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