I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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