I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
