She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
