forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
