I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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