Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
