Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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