WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
