From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
40s are totally the cure
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize