I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
its liver damage thursday
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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