A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
