ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
