I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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