Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
