were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
